Your toughness is made up of equal parts of
persistence and experience – Joe Henderson
Nona Walia
When you want to master Mental Toughness, embrace discomfort, embrace hardship, learn
to work with the odds. The idea is not as difficult as it sounds. It is a simple step of looking inside and pondering over what is it that makes us uncomfortable about a person, situation or thing. Would it give us physical or emotional pain? Does that thing or person or situation hold that much power over our mental state? Hence, make peace with uncertainties and
roadblocks. Don’t invest your mental energy. We need to conserve it for a better and fruitful use. Conserve your emotional energy. In order to get over the idea of hurdles and discomfort, we need to create mini milestones. These are smaller goals, in terms of time and efforts on your part. Each of these small milestones could be achieved and
ought to be celebrated as you venture ahead into the unknown. When all else fails, look to something new – a new hobby, a new goal, a new experience, anything that
fulfils your self-esteem.
With every passing roadblock, think higher. It will reinforce your belief that you are stronger than the situation you face. New challenges and victories will empower you with renewed confidence. When athletes are injured or haven’t performed well, sports psychologists
and coaches frequently encourage them to find a new activity. The key is to adapt and then adapt again. Mental Toughness is an art of dealing with difficult things inside
your mind. For Navina Jafa, cultural entrepreneur and a corona survivor, the pandemic was a battle of nerves as she lost her father and had a rough time fighting COVID-
19. But she emerged stronger. ‘It was a time of huge challenges, but I walked out stronger. Especially, I saw the vulnerabilities of my very active parents’ during the
lockdown and losing one of them led to severe depression. Both felt that their road was closing in, and unfortunately, it did. My mother fractured her arm, had a stroke, and my
father succumbed to COVID by exposing himself in trying to be with me to save my mother.
‘Reinventing and repositioning oneself in the existential reality in personal spaces and the chaos and uncertainties in the outer spaces was, and still remains, the earnest
challenge. The challenge, in fact, was to bring out the sheer tenacity to survive in the situations one faced. Being creative made me mentally tough. I used my skills to
remain balanced. Life is uncertain and short. But, we humans remain ever greedy. Remain focused in optimising our karma in this short walk, called life.
Hence, celebrate life even when you face the worst challenges. The answer is within, not without.’ Being flexible is the golden rule of Mental Toughness.
Situations are rapidly changing. Are you? By adapting, adjusting expectations and
discovering new milestones or hobbies, you build the muscle that is Mental Toughness. Says Dr Nisha Khanna, psychiatrist: ‘Inner flexibility is the key. Everyone has their strengths, and it is the time to tap into it. It’s your magic ocean, the more you dip, the stronger you come out. Toughness during the pandemic and the consequent lockdown, involved being able to deal with this sudden slowing down of life and the abrupt changes that it brought on. People dealt with negativity and uncertainty. They went into survival mode. Some people dealt with isolation, minimum expenditures, new styles of working that pandemic disruptions brought
on. Mental Toughness starts where your comfort zone ends. It requires patience and resilience, not putting too much pressure on self and giving added emphasis on
holistic well-being. You get tough by being in balance – physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. Listen to both your head and the heart. Create a support system, give help and don’t hesitate in asking for help. Be empathetic. Being mentally tough means you are taking control in your hands. You are tougher and stronger than you think. Don’t get trapped by the vicious circle of over thinking and negative thought.’
Some people are born with high IQ, high Mental Toughness, high EQ and confidence. It’s easy for them to accept and embrace failure, since they know their self
worth. Such people don’t dwell on their past mistakes. ‘A lot of people have to develop skills of self-awareness and confidence. Most people need to learn how to set
boundaries. They need to learn how to overcome fears and how to enjoy life without fears. Women who work in agricultural fields in harsh circumstances (or do hard manual labour), those who are brought up in hardship, show higher amount of Mental Toughness. People in the hills are stronger, physically and mentally. Athletes are trained to be tough. The cultures that they live in makes them tougher for challenges and setbacks. Families that
have a culture of providing support systems and close emotional bondage, show members to be more resilient. A person’s social status, gender, age, lack of personal care,
religious beliefs, spirituality, high EQ, high adversity quotient play an important role in building up Mental Toughness. Keep telling yourself that You Are Strong,’
adds Khanna.
Being strong allows you to live the life you want even with the crises around you. Because it is your choice to live life like that, not determined by social or physical pressures. It lets you wade through personal goals. Gift yourself: Self-Direction, Self-Strength and Self-Control
Remain always inspired, which means keeping your goals in sight, so that you are never unaware of them.
Prove to yourself that you have guts and the mental strength to achieve it. You make yourself tough by the things you choose to do daily. Your everyday life sets the tone for the muscles to build up. Day after day. Small, tiny individual choices build our ‘Mental Toughness muscle’.
Dr Nisha Khanna, psychiatrist, highlights the key ingredients of Mental Toughness as: positive thinking,progressive thoughts, optimism, ignoring negativity, avoiding overthinking, and indulging yourself in constructive ways to improve your EQ. Routines and
rituals are also important in creating an ambience for mental resilience. Spend time alone with cogitating over your feelings, exercise, be committed to your goals. A
simple step like taking a break from social media can also improve your Mental Toughness.
THE INGREDIENTS OF TOUGHNESS
Psychology researchers Peter Clough and Doug Strycharczyk define Mental Toughness in their book, Developing Mental Toughness, as ‘The quality which determines in a large part how people deal effectively with challenges, stressors, and pressure... irrespective of
prevailing circumstances.’
THE 4 CS OF BEING TOUGH ARE
Challenges: Viewed as opportunities instead of obstacles.
Control: Are you in control of your endeavours and
efforts?
Commitment: Persevering to complete the tasks and
challenges.
Confidence: Self-esteem and belief in your ability to
succeed.
TAKEAWAYS
Find your purpose in life by finding your inner
voice.
Challenge your inner critic.
Never lose confidence in your abilities.
Focus on small gestures, not life-changing
transformations.
Chapter 2, Excerpt from my book The Art of Mental Toughness: Survival Lessons from the Pandemic